Is my problem delusion or dilution?

I missed my interview yesterday. Because I'm obviously an idiot. I slept right through the interview time, despite Megadeth on the alarm clock. I couldn't sleep all night, but apparently I could sleep all morning. I need a second job. Right now, I might be looking at needing a first job. I just found out something disheartening... once I make it to the six month barrier I've been waiting for, health insurance is going to cost me over $100/pay period. If I had that much money, I wouldn't need the insurance, I'd just pay the doctor. Apparently, my company does not pay jack shit for health insurance and all the cost is on the patient, me. It's good insurance, but that doesn't help, now does it? One of the two reasons I stay here has just evaporated, making me feel helpless and futile and frustrated. The other reason is that I need a block of time on my resume. That reason has not evaporated. But is my resume worth this? I've been cut for tomorrow. At the last minute. Again. And it feels fucking awful. It feels useless and hopeless and scared. I don't like it. I need a paycheck, a decent sized one. Otherwise I'm just digging myself a hole I can't climb out of. And no resume is worth that.
I'm exhausted. I fell asleep on the line for a minute tonight. Yes, we were that slow, and yes I was that drained. It was a blood donor day. So I'm gonna cut this short.
1) Gonna try interview again tomorrow, pretend bad calendar.
2) Need more money.
3) No time to sleep but nothing getting done.
4) Seriously concerned about Eddie's intentions. Now he's willing to pick me up at work on his days off, calls me, wants to come over and wants to buy me things. These are not good signs. I was really hoping I'd found a nice old man, but despite the fact that he has made no advances, I'm afraid dissapointment is emminent. He may well turn out to be just another creepy old man. I would like to hope for the best, but I have to fear the worst.
That's all, I'm tired.

-amelia