Sunday, May 27, 2007

Cakes And Airport Security

Many of you many be happy to find out that it is in fact possible to bring a cake on an airplane. And they won't even cut it. Isn't that awesome? This is according to the TSA's 800 number. Yes, that's what your tax dollars paid for... a young woman named Frederica and a recording device, probably in a bunker somewhere, will answer my call at midnight and tell me that yes, cakes are permitted in carry-on luggage, and no, they won't cut into it.
You may be wondering what brought about my need to bring a cake on an airplane. It was a great and terrible tragedy. Wilson's Bakery, the best bakery ever, shut down. After nearly 80 years in business, the doors are closed for good. I, living in New Orleans, not Santa Clara, where Wilson's only outpost once stood, did not know this and therefore promised my son the best cupcakes in the world, eg. Wilson's cupcakes.
You see, Wilson's makes (made) these amazing chocolate cupcakes... they had a buttercream bear on top. An entire teddy bear made out of chocolate buttercream frosting, dwarfing even the size of the cupcake, dipped in chocolate and decorated with toes and a face to look like a bear. I've never seen them anywhere else, nothing even remotely like them, and I loved them. I wanted six of them for my son's birthday. I had it all planned out.... I'm going to his hockey game Sunday morning, and Wilson's is closed on Sunday, but Heather was going to pick them up on Saturday and I would pay with a credit card over the phone if they let me or pay Heather when I saw her Saturday night. Either way, I would have the prized cupcakes and be able to present them to that shining 7-year old face that I love so much! The best cupcakes ever!!
But, alas, it is not to be. There is no longer a magical place that makes magical cupcakes. Where will people go to get cookies just like their Grandmother made long after Grandmother is dead? Where?? They will have to find somewhere else. No more six display counter room full of every treat imaginable. No more amazing cakes. They did my high school graduation cake, you know. It was awesome. We ate that cake with every manner of booze imaginable for a solid week.
Getting to the point, neither I nor any of my friends can think of another good bakery for kid stuff. There's Bijan, and we're calling them, but they are very expensive and very adult. No one's ever seen them do kid stuff. I don't want a Safeway cupcake. My son deserves better. No shoddy dashedoff box mixes for the son of a worldclass baker. No, sir. Unless Bijan will consent to be cheery and childlike... fine dining is lost on 7year olds.... I will have to make it myself, pack extra icing for repairs in my checked luggage and take my teal Tupperware Cake Carrier across the country. I've done it before. Once. I lived in Seattle and it was another trip back home to see my son, but it was also my friend Dani's birthday. I worked for a baker who had a secret recipe Tequila Sunrise cake. I had to have one for Dani. So I bought the cake (with my handy employee discount), stuck it in a cake carrier and enjoyed 1000 miles of bad jokes from everyone from airport security, other passengers, cab driver and bus drivers until I caught up with Dani. We sat in front of a Starbucks with plastic forks and took hunks out of that wonderful cake.
But I was concerned that with new airport security regulations, cakes would be prohibited. Perhaps my icing is explosive... They would not take me at my word that I am a professional and stake my reputation on my food and would NEVER tamper with it. Not to mention that This cake is for my son. I have one son and I love him so much I only see him once a year. It's like looking directly at the sun. His adoptive parents have tons more money and free time than me and can buy him anything money will buy. I have the love in my heart and these two hands. Fortunately, I manage to make these two hands work hard enough to buy the plane ticket and when I lived in the area, and sometimes when I didn't, I would bring him extravagant treats that money can't buy because no one makes them.
One year it was six modeled chocolate animals...that took 20 hours with chocolate and corn syrup and lots of tools. But I did it and I brought them from Portland to San Jose just for him. One year it was a 20lb. cake shaped like a castle that said "Happy Birthday Christopher" on the tower. That took 4 days of every spare moment I had. The restaurant we had dinner at was in shock. They'd never seen such a thing. Nor had they ever lifted such a cake. And for 5 people! And it seems that this year I may have to recreate those moments with another amazing feat. And thankfully, the TSA will allow my cake to travel, unmolested by hungry security agents masquerading as a diligent counter-terror force. Thank you, TSA, because no one bakes for my son like I do.

your other thought for the day: My family appears never to have met me. Strangers on the street have a better idea of what to send me as presents than my own relatives. Hippy jewelry, trendy supergirly accesories... what are they thinking?? My sister once told me that she thought I was "kind of" a hippie. I will never forgive her for that. She couldn't even justify it.
Apparently, it had something to do with my views on community involvement and thrift stores. Oh, and that I'm pagan. I don't smoke pot and I don't believe in peace, love and sitting on your ass waiting for change. I also can't stand the smell of patchouli. Ick.

Today is Saturday. or, it was Saturday. YIPPEE!!! One more week!!! I go back home in one more week!! Can you tell I'm excited?? Perhaps tomorrow I'll tell someone that this blog exists. Maybe not. Maybe I'll keep it to myself. Then I can talk about anyone without worrying about what they think. No white lies for charity.

Oh yeah, and if you use Opera, you can't type these messages in the "Compose" section or they will fail to wrap...they will be never-ending text. You have to type them in the "Edit HTML" section and they'll wrap just fine.

Good night, and good riddance.

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