Raison d'etre

The reason I created this was simple... I had a crazy thought, or fact, or happening every single day for the last month and I simply didn't get a chance to call all of my friends and tell them about it all the time. Now, I shall share them with you. Perhaps you too can finish each day shaking your head in wonder that the world is such an odd place. Or, perhaps now that I've decided to document them, they will simply stop happening. I'm not sure. Either way I'll find something to say because well, I'm a chatterbox and life with me is never boring.
Crazy story #1: I called my mother to tell her about my attempts to locate the suck-ass piece of dirt who used to be my landlord and still owes me $800 and she shared with me a little gem of family history that goes something like this: In the years directly proceeding my birth, my mother's mother married an abusive alcoholic in Las Vegas. We can all see where this is going, right? Or can we?? So, Grandma finally decides to leave said loser and moves in with my "parents" in Napa. She is terrified that her lunatic husband will come after her and one night tells my mother that during one of his drunken outbursts her husband, (I don't know his name, Grandma had 5 husbands and I only know two names and it wasn't them), tells her that he is in fact a fugutive Nazi war criminal and that his name and his ID are both fakes. He does not reveal his crimes or his original name, and my mother doubts this story because, in her words, he seems too young. But, she sends Grandma off to Aunt Ruth's house in Idaho for a "vacation" and she calls INS thinking she can at least locate said poo-head and get him in some interrogation room. There is a cloak-and-dageer story that follows involving the INS man showing up at Mom's door with a fake package and a delivery truck...She gives him all the information she has, and lo and behold, he IS a fugitive Nazi war criminal and more pressingly, also wanted for armed robbery in "another state, I don't remember, Idaho or something". They "help" Grandma get a divorce and six months later, said nutjob is located and sent to trial. BIG Trouble.
What is the relevance of this story, crazy though it may be? That makes two Grandmothers who married Nazis. Two completely unrelated women who both married members of the crazies political movement I can think of. And people wonder why I'm afraid to marry. Historically, no one in my family can find even an acceptable mate. There are safes full of Valium and shotgun shells, there are secret desires to become a transexual lesbian, there are alcoholic, abusive lowlifes, and just plain old lunatics.... When I attract lunatics and Marines like flies to rotting meat, they wonder why I don't want to settle down...
In other news:
I'm halfway through a lace scarf in a beautiful green leaf pattern. Or it would be a beautiful pattern if I didn't keep f***ing it up. Also halfway through a charity lap blanket in a great blue and white star pattern that I have deemed "Snowglobe" because I spend as much time staring at it as I do knitting it. And discovered a great pattern for kid's animal slippers that, when knit in this yarn at least, stretched to fit my giant feet! working on 8 mixed coasters for a coaster swap on swapbot.com the awesomest place to go if you're a mail addict.
Next weekend is my vacation. I can't wait. Four days and three nights at HOME in San Jose. I don't know how I'll get to half of what I want to do, but I'll sure try. I've got a little boy's hockey game to go to and that takes first priority! Pictures to come soon. More pictures than you want.