Wednesday, May 30, 2007

why you shouldn't rob cooks, ever, especially not from your mother's Mustang

So it finally happened. I got mugged in New Orleans. By a white guy. Everyone except me is shocked that it was a white guy. I was walking home as usual, and I was about four blocks from home when I saw a gold Mustang, a new one. Now I like Mustangs, so I was looking. Well, it got to the corner I was at and made a u-turn, slowly. I was wondering why it turned so slowly. Then it turned into the McDonalds parking lot and I thought "Mustangs shoudln't be allowed to go to McDonald's; they're too pretty to have such low-clas food." Now it was almost midnight but this McDonald's has a 24-hour drive-thru. So I got up to the parking lot and noticed that they had parked, not gone to the drive-thru. A guy got out of the passenger side and approached me. He looked sketchy, but he looked like a punk kid. Weel, I'm getting bored telling this story already, so I'll skip to the good part. He was a punk kid. He had a gun. He got $6 from me, but I refused to give up my wallet or my bag. I need that stuff, he doesn't and it became quickly clear that he wasn't tough enough to take it from me. Well, he's looking around, deciding that this is not a good place to keep arguing, takes the $6 and heads back to the car. Well, I'm looking at the license plate. Yeah, you have a license plate, dipshit. He's looking at me with one leg in the car, like, oh shit, I have a license plate. What do we do now? And I'm thinking that now there's a man with a gun who knows I have his license plate number. And I'm on foot and he's in a car. Maybe let's get off the street and not lead him to my home. Quickly. So I walk up to the drive-thru window and tell the lady, I've just been mugged in your parking lot, can I use your phone to call the police.? After some discussion, they let me in and we call the police. The police come and pick on me for 1) walking three miles home, 2) arguing with a man with a gun (even though I tried to explain that I have to get on a plane Saturday and how would I replace my ID by then?) 3) that he probably stole the car or switched license plates. I tell them, I don't know about that, I've seen some dumb drug addicts in my life. Turns out I was right. The car is registered to an "older female" in Kenner. Probably his mommy. Odds are that they'll catch him and I'll prosecute.
Even if it wasn't a real gun, or it wasn't loaded, which I suspect, (but wasn't willing to challenge - I may be stubborn, but I'm not suicidal) it's still armed robbery. Even though he only got $6, it's still armed robbery. And both the driver and the passenger are guilty of a major felony.
Don't rob cooks. We're underpaid, observant, cool under pressure and surly. We don't have enough money, we don't, so don't bother. Most of us are carrying at least one knife, and it's sharp. We are calm cool and collected when 6 people are screaming, 6 fires are flaring and we're working in 120 degree conditions doing 6 things at a time! Which means we'll be collected enough to notice your hair, clothing, and LICENSE PLATE. And we're just not nice! Other people would hand over the bag, we get an attitude. Not worth the trouble...
But all this leaves me... dissapointed and confused. I knew it happened, I just like to think I'm invincible. Or somehow smarter. But how could I have avoided it, walking down that street? I don't know how. I'm dissapointed in the city, in the people for being surprised it was a white guy, in the police for not dispatching the plate number immediately, in McDonald's for chastising the kind manager who let me in to call the police, in everything. And I'm confused... what do I do now? Do I stop walking home? That would be really sad. I've been walking the streets at night since I was 11 and this is the first time anyone's pulled a gun since I was 13. Shoulda seen me then... way more attitude. Only guns I've even seen since then we're attached to police, military or security guards. I liked it that way. I don't want to stop walking, but I'll lay off it for this week. Think about my options. I'm not a hider. That's not me. I'm a confrontational bitch. Some one has to be.
That's all for today. Have to go to work. Be safe out there. No. Don't be safe. Be mean. If some shit head messes with you, let him wake up handcuffed to a hospital bed. If he wakes up. We shouldn't have to hide.

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