Apparently, Boys Are Complicated

I don't understand boys. I know they are supposed to be simply motivated, but really, it gets more complex after that... I know that they are taught all the things that I think boys are taught... all those complexes about sex that I know they have... but it's the screwy logic that happens somewhere that I don't get...
For example...(you knew there was a reason for this diatribe, didn't you?) I've been seeing Dennis as we all know... and things got weird for a bit there. You see, he's been acting like I'm his girlfriend. Which has been creeping me out, to which I responded by hanging on to Matt and not telling Dennis. Neither of them has any idea that the other one exists, or worse yet, that I've seen someone else naked in the last several months. They both know the possibility exists, but not the reality. Trust me, it's better this way. I've been down this road more than once, and so long as they've both agreed to the deal, they don't need any more information. And, they have agreed to it. Neither of them are, of course, seeing anyone else. Boys never are, they just say "let's see other people" in case by some miracle they manage to get someone else to sleep with them... it doesn't usually happen.

So I had a few drinks and I did something stupid. Namely, I told the boy that I really like that I really like him. Precisely what I told him is that he makes me feel as though he has his hand on that one special spot on my back that makes every woman feel like following when a man is inclined to lead. Now, I meant that as a high compliment. In context, we'd been arguing, and I was trying to explain that I would find it very easy to forgive him if I was only given the opportunity to do so. I, of course, was forgetting that Dennis does not really know me. He does not know my history, he does not know my bone-chilling terror of commitment, he does not know a lot of things about me. I mean, I never used the phrase "i really like you" because that's so goddamn high school. I never used that bigger L-word either. And I did not mean to imply ANY L-word.

Please remember that we've been seeing eachother, what is it now, 2 weeks? And most of that has been spent naked. The talking we've done has mostly centered around bitching about work and how long it's going to take to get eachother naked again. And good food. So not a lot of, hi, I'm slutty and you're sexy... wanna do it all night and then forget eachother's names in the morning? Nope. So when I told him the above, he took it.... well, he didn't take it the way I meant it. I think he took it as a compliment, but he also took it as fishing for the big C-word. And I, as we all know, was not looking to become anyone's G-word. This is how set I am against these things... I don't even like using the words.... So he freaked out and told me something along the lines of maybe we should never have slept together, we should just be friends.... used an odd phrasing.... said i "wasn't the kind of person" he could see himself having a "romantic relationship" with.... I don't think that was very complimentary at all.... Continued to say he really likes me, doesn't usually sleep with girls at the beginning, thinks it was a bad idea, thinks I'm "cool people" or some such nonsense....

So I told him....whoa... slow down that train.... Uhh... I was trying to pay you a compliment.... a high compliment, really. That I find your company immensely pleasurable and you give me a particular pleasant feeling... and that you're easy to forgive when you're naked. I would really like to Keep sleeping together, if it's all the same to you... in fact, I'm free tomorrow. I'm not actually trying to marry you, as I'm afraid of the WORD, and can't handle it in a phrase without a negative, let alone a sentence. I barely know you, and while I'm greatly enjoying getting to know you, especially certain parts of you, I did not sleep with you immediately in an attempt to trap you into anything, and I am, in fact, well aware of the difference between Lust and that other L-word.... I realize that not all girls are like me, and hope, given that you don't know me very well either, that you can take my word for it when I say that I'm definitely not trying to be your girlfriend.

That went over well. So well in fact that he seems to have immediately forgotten the entire conversation.

That's what bothers me.

It's the things that don't add up.... it's not just that he treats me well, he does, but they all do or I toss them to the curb immediately.... it's the little possessive jabs, it's the comments that imply a future.... that's what I'm not used to. I cornered him on one today... I had a houseguest over the weekend and he asked me if this houseguest was "anyone I should be worried about?" Why should he worry about my houseguests?? Why should he worry about anyone I choose to spend my time with when I'm not with him? I asked him, and he mumbled something, and when asked again, said that he just wanted to know if it was OK to leave marks on me. He sounded jealous. I've been around a lot of jealous, and that was jealous. That was possessive. I didn't fall off the turnip truck yesterday and god knows I wasn't a virgin when I met him.... I'm not making this shit up, either. I'm an intelligent person and an excellent judge of character. Stop laughing, I am, I just don't always follow my own judgement. So, my question is, if I'm not "the kind of person" he could have a "romantic relationship" with, why is he acting like we already are?? I was perfectly clear about the fact that he's free to see other people, and that sleeping with him immediately was exactly my style... it's not a big leap to realize that I've done that before, and will do it again. Why is he acting so possessive? Why is he acting like we already are in a "relationship" (apparently I can handle the word better in quotes... especially if I keep telling myself that relationship just means interconnection of two people and not any inseverable ties) ??

I mean, seriously, he immediately forgot about the whole conversation. Immediately. Twenty minutes later it's "so i'll make dinner for us....i'll call you when I wake up and you can come over." like the whole thing never happened. I have a sneaking suspicion that one of us is lying to him/herself.... and I'm not sure which. Am I lying when I call myself free? Or is he? Or am I simply going ever crazier? If I am, he's driving me to it.
We are still sleeping together... and he did make me dinner. And I got my massage. And we even talked a little bit and took a nap. But he still does boyfriend things... not casual sex things.... and they bug me. A lot. But my eyes are closing of their own volition now, so it's time to take my nap..... arrivederci...